Boo to those days where it seems like nothing goes your way and the world just wants things to be difficult for you.
I can’t quite describe how delicious the smoothie I just made is, other than I think I somehow sneaked crack in there without even knowing it. Ingredients, to remember later:
vanilla flavored protein powder
French fishtail ponytail (Taken with Instagram)
Proof that there’s some scary predators out there. One of these days I’ll be the girl in the news who got eaten by wild beats while innocently wandering the hills behind her house in the rocky mountains. (Taken with Instagram)
Taken with Instagram
I used to like tumblr because it opened my eyes to a whole new brand of internet humor. Now everything is the same and I’m getting quite bored. Basically anything of a comedic related nature on my dashboard is either:
A) an internet meme
B) a retelling of a funny line from TV or a movie using screenshots with typed captions
C) a stupid compilation of moving pictures (gifs?) of people doing stupid things or making stupid faces
Except for the first one, these things don’t even involve new and original content, it’s just old jokes being reproduced in a slightly altered format. There are probably good funny tumblrs out there with actually creative material (ok I admit, stuff like this is in my feed occasionally) but I’m no longer willing to put effort into finding the good ones. The internet in general (meaning the people who control it) just needs to raise its funny standards so there is at least some variety in the reblogs going around.
Driving to church this morning I was praying that God would humble me to a place of worship, especially today but all the days of my life, where I can be reminded of my vulnerability and complete dependence on Him. All too often when life is going well I forget that despite life’s fortunes I still need Him daily. God spoke to me through today’s sermon of a richly comforting truth that has opened my eyes to a tiny bit of his creativity behind my personality.
Before I knew the Lord I had decided that my ultimate goal in life was to fall in love and get married and have a family - the perfect fairytale. Growing older and seeing what the world is really like, I became aware of how broken relationships are, and cursed whatever I could from my childhood that gave me a false hope for true love that lasts. How could I ever trust any man in his promise to me when divorce plagues the earth and marriages dissolve that seemed destined to last? I remember at one depressing point even secretly condemning disney movies I grew up watching, blaming them for teaching me to hope in something life cannot guarantee.
Fast forward two years: A week ago I happened to glance back at my old bucket list on the blog I kept for my first year and a half of college. Seeing that aspiration written down (fall in love, get married, have family) reminded me of how lost and incorrect I was in my belief of what’s most important in life. I asked myself what changed and quickly answered, ‘Well duh, Jesus did.” Never has my desire for companionship fallen away but for a long time now I’ve known my life will only be complete if I follow the Lord and do whatever he asks of me. I don’t know what exactly that will look like, I just know that’s what will count at the end of my life if I have nothing else.
And then today we tackled that chunk in Ephesians about husbands loving their wives and wives submitting to their husbands (chapter 5). I didn’t think it would be applicable to me, and I’ve already pondered it a little before anyway, so I expected nothing new. But hearing our pastor talk about the picture of a perfect marriage God gives us in Jesus as the head of the church literally laying down His life for us, His bride … Shoot! First of all, let’s agree that this sacrificial love is basically the most perfect example to follow in a holy and righteous marriage. We can raise up a Hallelujah for the wise and beautiful instruction on how to live a holy and righteous marriage. This gives us hope that it IS attainable. But even further than that, God showed me that Christ’s crucifixion alone already satisfied that promise I thought I was going to be searching for my whole life! The promise that a man will love me forever and always and never leave me was made and guaranteed 2000 years before I was even born, meaning I don’t have even have to wait for it. It’s here and it is mine, and I can rest in the fact that I don’t have to spend all my life worrying, searching, wondering…
Lately my favorite thing has been getting to see how God let me end up the way I am because of his plans for redemption through my weaknesses. Before, I cursed my lonely heart that only seemed to want love, thinking I had been emotionally scarred in my youth somehow. Now I rejoice in it, because it has made me appreciate 100 times more fully the entire gospel and what it means for my life. It’s not that God let me end up this way - He probably made me this way on purpose, and what a genius He is for it. Just as I blogged last month about God listening to our prayers when we ask for more of Him, He has gone and done it again this morning. Gratitude fills my soul for the blessing of this truth He awakened me to, and I worship Him.
“For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love “
- Divine Romance, Phil Wickham